One baby step at a time...

In the last week I have done some serious soul searching. I have gained a lot of weight since the beginning of the year and I am unhappy because of it. It forced me to sit down and just think. I am a firm believer that we are the only ones that can make us feel the way that we do, so if I'm unhappy, it's my fault. So now that I know that I am unhappy, and can point a finger, how am I going to fix it?

I just started over.

I let everything go. Everything that made me angry, all of the "what if's" (what if I had kept exercising 24/7? What would I look like now?) and all of the bad habits that speak louder than the good ones. They just aren't worth it, and sometimes we have to learn that the hard way. I did. Again. It sucks but I'm over it and I'm back.

On Friday I did my measurements *gasp!* and don't like what I see. I am into most of my fat clothes again, and my semi-fat clothes, the ones that I was so proud to wear again, are just semi-fat clothes again. The kind I can't really wear comfortably. I didn't take a picture, but I should (will have to take some pathetic begging and kissing up to the hubby). After a month (on 5/16) I will share my results with all of you, and continue to do so each month. It's about time that I started doing this again!

Anyway, after I took my measurements and weighed myself, I exercised. Everything that stands in my way on a daily basis (on my non working days) was there. The monkey boy woke up early--he is EXTREMELY opposed to my exercising as it gets in the way of his Fresh Beat Band time and I just wasn't feeling it. I feel fat, and when I feel fat, I don't want to exercise. Isn't that kind of ironic? I turned on my EA Sports Active on the Wii and set it to a hard workout, because, well lets face it, I needed a HARD workout. I got 13 minutes into it and quit. I was frustrated because I could do this easily last year. What the heck is my problem?? I totally let go of that. I told myself 13 minutes was better than nothing (and it is), and just tried to move on.

Then I had an epiphany. I cant expect to just start up where I left off. I am a firm believer of baby steps, and although I had taken them once before, I had to do them again, because I let myself stop. Another blessing of momentum. I miss momentum, but in the last 3 days I have started to gain it back. Yes, that means I have exercised everyday since Friday. Not a big deal, but it's a good start.

I also can't expect to just exercise for a few days, or really hard one day (like I tried on Friday) and get my results back. I got my results one day at a time, and unfortunately I am going to have to achieve them that way again. Remembering this, put my mind at ease. All I have to do is exercise daily. One time, once a day. Not all day, like I was when I was staying home, and didn't work. I don't have to do that, and it's unrealistic for me to think that I should have to. Baby steps, one step at a time.

Friday 4/16: 13 minutes EA Sports Active (Hard mode)
Sat 4/17: 21 minutes, EA Sports Active (Medium mode)
Sun 4/18: 26 minutes, EA Sports Active (Medium mode).

Three days in, and I feel better about exercising. I still feel fat, but I am doing what I am supposed to. Time heals all wounds.

Now I just need to focus on food again. Thank goodness for Sparkpeople, that's all I gotta say.

I officially started my new job 4 days ago (a lateral move w/in the hospital), and my schedule has changed to one hour earlier. The good news is that I get off one hour earlier, but the bad news is that I have to wake up, and be to work much earlier *cry* (exercising before work is not an option anymore). Exercising during lunch is not an option either, as I have 30 minutes for lunch and 1 (technically 2, but I never take the 2nd) 15 minute break, to eat breakfast/lunch/dinner during. Have you ever tried to eat a salad in less than 20 minutes? It's hard. I want to try to exercise after work, but I have 3 things against me. Mentally drained, hubby is home (For some reason I can't seriously exercise when he is around) and the Monkey Boy is home (he hates when I take up the living room to exercise). We'll see. I won't stress myself out w/ it yet, and will just take it one day at a time, one baby step at a time.

I hope you all are well. I have been lurking in the background still, and still get my daily dose of so many of you. I never in a million years thought that reading your blogs would be therapeutic for me. Who'da thunk it?

Have a great weekend, and I'll see you soon.

I can do this. I am a star!

off to a good start...

Today is my first day off this week and I'm off to a good start.

I got up, ate some yogurt and turned on The Biggest Loser Workout on the Wii. I started a 4 week program and am attempting to lose 13 lbs (I think that's what it set my goal for). If I can do that, then I will be where I was at the end of 2009, when I completed my 365 consecutive days of exercise.

My arms are wobbly--today was upper body day (upper body - light 24 minutes/65 calories burned).


then I did a cool down (light - 8 minutes/8 calories).



The last 3 days I worked, but only the first 2 were normal workdays. Monday I walked 15,943 steps (7.55 miles) during my workday, and Tuesday 13,300 steps (6.30 miles). Wednesday/yesterday, not so many...4,507 steps (2.13 miles). The reason for the lack of steps is a pretty good reason though. They are finally putting my heart rhythm reading skills to work! They are training me to be a Monitor Tech/Health Unit Secretary! Finally! I was super nervous, but my preceptor told the director that I am doing "freakin' awesome" and from what the director says, she doesn't say that, and she has trained a lot of people. What a blessing, and confidence booster!! My preceptor said that if I continue the next 4 days of training, like I did yesterday, she is going to push the director to hire me as the new, muchly needed, full time, day shift, Monitor Tech/HUC. Woo Hoo!!!!!! It's patient care, behind the scenes, with a little bit earlier schedule, but something that I LOVE doing :). I like being a CNA, but overtime is a turn off because I am so exhausted after my 3 day stretch working 12 hours each day. Overtime doing this is VERY doable. I wouldn't mind one bit.

The downside of this new job (in my eyes) is the lack of steps. Maybe it might be a good thing though, because since I started working, I haven't been able to get a grasp on the actual number of calories I have been burning (calories burned using METs, vs calories burned on my HRM--which is a HUGE difference) and I haven't had the energy to exercise on my day's off, like I had envisioned when I was a SAHM. Because I don't know how many calories I am exactly burning, I can't do the math correctly to know how much to eat, to lose weight. I feel like I haven't been eating enough, which is probably why I am so exhausted. Yesterday I was not so physically exhausted when I got home either. I felt great. We'll see, and I'll just pray on it. God answers prayers. Maybe this is a God thing, because after all, in order to do what I am training to do now, and might possibly be doing in the future, you have to have a minimum of 1 year of experience doing it already (which the director is very adamant about), because PCU is a critical care unit (a step down from ICU).

Anyway, that's what I have been up to. I plan to be back tomorrow. I have been lurking the blog circuit and reading your blogs, but I've just been silent.

See you tomorrow!

I can do this. I am a star.