Day 26 (day 5 / week 4)

I am really struggling to not hate "Burn it Up!" I did it again today, and it just kicks my butt! I hate it. I really don't look forward to doing it (maybe I will when/if it gets easier for me). Today I procrastinated for over an hour before I exercised because I just really didn't want to do it.

I haven't been in my right state of mind lately--really since I started focusing on myself. My profile says I'm Christian, and by reading most of my blogs, you wouldn't know it. I haven't gone to church since the New Year, and I kick myself for it. I can't take credit for willpower or the strength to get up and exercise everyday--it's all Him. All of the motivation that I get from you guys, comes from Him too. He is looking out for all of us, and He brings us together to lift each other up in our time of need. One of my favorite scriptures is Philippians 4:13 and I think about it whenever I struggle. I can do anything through Him because He gives me the strength to do it. I just need to ask. I don't think I have ever said out loud "give me the strength to do this" but God knows our hearts, and he knows mine, and whenever I need the strength, something that one of you guys says to me, gives me the strength. It is such a powerful feeling to know that I sit on my butt, and whine and don't want to exercise, and "hate" what I'm doing, but He puts that tiny glimmer in my heart to do it.

The reason why I mention this is because I used the word "hate" an awful lot. Words are like emotional magnets. If you surround yourself in negative things, that kind of sticks to the meat on your bones. If I tell myself that I hate something (such a powerful word) I will (Luke 6:45). That's why I always sign off with what I do. If I say I am a star, whether or not it's true, someday I will believe it. I don't want to hate what I'm doing, and God will give me the strength to not hate it. If we have good thoughts in our hearts, we will do good things. If we have bad thoughts in our hearts, we will do bad things (Luke 6:45).

Sorry for the rambling, but I guess it just weighed heavy on my heart, and kind of surprised me to read such negativity coming from me. I really believe that things are how we make them and if I continue to say that I hate this workout this much, I will, and will eventually quit.

I can do this because He gives me the strength. He makes me a star.