I am a star

This first blog is an introduction to my mind, and how it came to the decision to do this. The star in the upper left hand corner reminds me that I am a star. I can do this.

I have to start now.

Yesterday, sitting on my butt, once again, I decided that now is the perfect time to dust off my willpower and use it again. I still have it. It's packed neatly in the little box in the corner of my room where I can always see it. I know it's there, I know I have it and can use it whenever I want--I just don't use it. That's sad.

I know people must look at me and judge. People must look at me and think, "She loves food and that is why she is fat," or something along those lines. I used to be one of those people. I still am in some ways. I wasn't always this way, and I didn't become fat because of poor food choices or over indulgences. This is not to say that I don't enjoy the occasional dessert--everything in moderation. Energy in, energy out.

Medicine can do a lot of things to our bodies. It can helps us and change us. It changed me. Someday I will come back to address this, but right now it's not important. It's in the past. Because my weight gain happened in a short amount of time, my self image is askewed. I still think that I am thin and fit. It's been a few years and I still think of myself as being thin. I am still somewhat shocked everytime I do laundry and fold my undies. It's funny how our mind plays tricks on us. I know and can feel that my metabolism has normalized, so I know I can do this without anything working against me now. Keeping this blog will help me to keep myself in check and to keep my willpower from collecting dust.

There are a lot of obvious reasons to lose weight, but I really want to have another baby someday, but not while I am obese. I don't want to be mistaken for a "rollie pollie" again. That hurt. I want to have another baby when I am in my early 30's and healthier than I am now. I want people to know that I am pregnant, and not guess. I may not look "obese," but I am according to the numbers. Don't obsess over numbers. I know it's easier said than done.

Everyday in 2009 I am going to exercise somehow, shape or form. I have experience with exercise physiology and used to train extensively so I know what it will take to get me to that place again. I used to be really fit and knew what I was doing when it came to cardiovascular exercise and strength training. I kept detailed logs, which I still have detailing every exercise, RPE (ratings of perceived exertion), intensity, duration, repition and set that I did. I even logged my cardiovascular training. I used to be in the 98th percentile of VO2 uptake in my age group. I mention this, because reading this for myself, I can see that I can do this. I am not going to set a time limit, but I am going to do something consciously and active everyday. I can do this.

There are a lot of technicalities that I am going to skip as I don't need to prove anything to anyone. I know what I know and I can do this. I appreciate any and all prayers and encouragements you may have.

I can do this, I am a star.

Before

After