About Me

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I am Christian, a wifey and a mommy...but mostly I am just a big fat hairy nerd!


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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

day 175 (day 7 / week 25)

I want to start off and thank everyone for your kind words and encouragement. You all had such encouraging things to say and you all are right.

Yesterday was a bad day for me so I threw all my chips on the table to see what I had, and today I am going to make a new start with a different mentality (hopefully it will stick).

You guys are right, going into this I didn't have any number but 365 in mind. Now that it's been 6 months, yes I have lost weight and inches, and yes I can do things I couldn't before, but I am still obese, and people still see me that way. You wouldn't know by looking at me that I stay within a set caloric range and exercise daily. I feel like a thin person trapped inside of a huge disgusting body. People that know me don't even think I have stuck with exercising because I am still fat. My husband knows, because he is there. My own mother that I see on a weekly basis is even rude about it (I know I need to give her a word or 2, but it's hard to say something to her--she's my mom!). I could jog laps around every single one of these people that judge me, but no one knows this but me. Everyone (including myself) expects me to be skinny by now. I want to cry out that I am healthy, or get a custom made shirt to prove it (lol), but I won't ever be truly healthy until I am no longer obese and overweight. I need to get over this. You guys are right, if I am in this for the long haul, it needs to be about the healthy lifestyle first, and weight loss second. BUT (and this is a big butt...hehehe) the sad truth is that I need to lose weight in order to get there. I am obese. The only way this will change is if I lose weight. I never wanted this to be about losing weight, but in order to reach the ultimate goal of being healthy, I HAVE to.

The other day when I did the calorie calculation, I nonchalantly mentioned my goal weight--135, but it could have been easily overlooked (I meant for it to be that way). I even went as far as to say that I wanted to reach this by Jan 1, 2010, which is a very healthy goal if I lose 2 lbs a week (this is obviously not happening).To do the calculation you need to have a goal weight in mind, so I picked the highest weight in the recommended range (medical) for my height--102-135. Once I reach 135, anything is possible from there. On my sparkpage, I have weight goals written as well:

1) 200 lbs (done)
2) 180 lbs (although lately 190 has been a big goal)
3) 150 lbs
4) 135 lbs

...heck! Anything is possible NOW I just need to stop having wavering faith and just keep high faith that I can do this, because He gives me the strength to!

Ellie is right. It's not as simple as calories in and calories out. I say that a lot, and I am a douche. It has everything to do with quality of food. I need to work on this. Right now I just fit inside of a number, but if I want chips, I make room in my number bank so that I can have chips. I do this with ice cream too (sugar free, which my hubby really hates that I eat lmao) I still fit in the number. If I wanted to eat chips or ice cream all day long and still fit in my range, that would not be good. I don't do that, because I have learned (about myself) that when I do eat junk, it makes me hungrier and crave more junk (another danger zone). I do need to work on quality though. Better quality. This is a habit I want to stick around forever.

I also need to start watching salt. This is so easy to lose track of! Did you know that a recommended serving of salt is 1 teaspoon a day? I always knew salt wasn't great for you but I honestly thought it was a typo or a spoken mistake when I heard 1 tsp for the first time. I thought "maybe they mean 1 Tablespoon." WOW (not the world of warcraft wow either...lol). Watching Rachael Ray and all of the food network stars at play, blows my mind--they throw salt in their creations like it's nothing! I don't eat this much salt but I bet it's more than 1 tsp a day.

Anyway enough of that. I have a lot to work on and I feel so blessed that you guys are here to support me on my strongest and weakest days. You guys are my stars in a dark sky!

Today I woke up early, did my no computer thing *cry* and man I was SO sore! The standing oblique crunches that I did the other day kicked me hard. Yesterday the windmill lunge things made the lung/knee things from my first Quickfire Challenge kick in again. Today I am feeling everything...which is good. It means my body isn't used to this and it will adapt! Yaay!!! The quickfire for today was to do 100 total (in groups of 20-25) straight leg tricep dips on a chair--which I can't do yet, so I opted to do the 2nd--wall push ups. These feel harmless, but I'm sure I will feel them tomorrow. 5 sets of 20 or 4 of 25 (just get to 100 anyway you can).

Before this, I turned on the 30 day shred (level 1 day 24). I was way too sore to do that. I got about 10 minutes in and had to turn it off. I felt so stiff and could barely move the way she wanted us to. Then put on Turbo Jam's Turbo Sculpt and could only get through 5 mins of that, so I put on Ab Jam and did the 20 minutes. Turbo Jam made me feel a little better because a lot of the movements are very long and stretchy. 35 minutes in all, but I was feeling really sore. I do feel better now (not so stiff and sore), and want to go try to do the 30 day shred again. Hopefully the Monkey Boy will go down so that I can try again. I am calling today a (non)rest day regardless, just because being so sore, I need to take it easy. If I don't get back to it today, I am not going to beat myself up because I don't want to make things worse for tomorrow!

Thank you again for your support and help! I don't have the words to describe how amazing it feels to have someone help you up when you fall. It's just such a blessing!

Make today count! I am because you guys are helping me to! Every step of the way!

I can do this. I am a star!


Miriam the Mommy said...

I know I don't actually know you in person, but just by your pictures - I don't think people look at you and see someone obese at all, especially because it's specifically your level of fitness and health that mean you MOVE differently, you hold yourself differently, you know? I am quite sure you walk down the street differently now than 6 months ago.

What I was actually thinking is maybe you exercise too much, or rather Spark's calculations aren't taking into account how non-sedentary you really are?

At any rate, you are to be commended and congratulated and just you're really amazing and inspiring. I wish I had your dedication and commitment and ENERGY!!

loreejo said...

That's a heckuva lot of activity for a (non) rest day! You oughta see me on my (non) rest days. :^) I love what Miriam said about how you carry and hold yourself now compared to before. I picture you (in your cute, very intelligent looking glasses) with your shoulders back, tummy tucked in and head held high, pushing the stroller with the Monkey Boy to the next stoplight...and the next...and the next. So, toss your lovely dark hair in the wind (oh yeah, like a supermodel, coz you are a Super Model!), lift your face to the sun (The Lord placed it there for you to enjoy), let it brighten your countenance and keep on keepin' on sister! I have never doubted that you will.

Melissa Henning said...

Awe! Thank you guys for your sweet, sweet comments! I am not all that active when I am exercising. I'm hoping doing these quickfire challenges throughout the day will help me to be a little more active, but nope, I'm not. Thank you for your kind words Miriam, but I'm not all that special :). If you feel inspired by me than that is a HUGE blessing. You have HUGE dedication and I see it in your blog posts! Don't give up! I'm sure we have the same amount of energy--for heavens sake you are up until 2 or 3 in the morning! (I'm done by 9pm lolol).

Thank you also Loree :). If I don't already (very likely that I DONT lol), you can bet that I will be walking with my head held high and my face to the sun just because you said this! I'm sure it looks much better than the hunch-backed semi-fat chick, with the bright red face, awkward farmers tan huffing and puffing, her way towards the next stop light. lol. Work! Covergirl! Work it girl! (covergirl) do your thing, to the next stop light! (lol--remember that song?). Thank you again for your kind words :).

Melissa Henning said...

I meant to say I'm not all that active when I'm NOT exercising... (I had better be active when I'm exercising or I've got even bigger problems to deal with! lol).

This Mama Cooks! On a Diet said...

Go for a massage. It'll help in so many ways. First, you'll be indulging yourself but not with food. And it'll help those sore muscles. It's so hard to work out (or sleep) when your that sore. I've been going through the same thing and my massage therapist helped me through it with her work and her advice.