One baby step at a time...

In the last week I have done some serious soul searching. I have gained a lot of weight since the beginning of the year and I am unhappy because of it. It forced me to sit down and just think. I am a firm believer that we are the only ones that can make us feel the way that we do, so if I'm unhappy, it's my fault. So now that I know that I am unhappy, and can point a finger, how am I going to fix it?

I just started over.

I let everything go. Everything that made me angry, all of the "what if's" (what if I had kept exercising 24/7? What would I look like now?) and all of the bad habits that speak louder than the good ones. They just aren't worth it, and sometimes we have to learn that the hard way. I did. Again. It sucks but I'm over it and I'm back.

On Friday I did my measurements *gasp!* and don't like what I see. I am into most of my fat clothes again, and my semi-fat clothes, the ones that I was so proud to wear again, are just semi-fat clothes again. The kind I can't really wear comfortably. I didn't take a picture, but I should (will have to take some pathetic begging and kissing up to the hubby). After a month (on 5/16) I will share my results with all of you, and continue to do so each month. It's about time that I started doing this again!

Anyway, after I took my measurements and weighed myself, I exercised. Everything that stands in my way on a daily basis (on my non working days) was there. The monkey boy woke up early--he is EXTREMELY opposed to my exercising as it gets in the way of his Fresh Beat Band time and I just wasn't feeling it. I feel fat, and when I feel fat, I don't want to exercise. Isn't that kind of ironic? I turned on my EA Sports Active on the Wii and set it to a hard workout, because, well lets face it, I needed a HARD workout. I got 13 minutes into it and quit. I was frustrated because I could do this easily last year. What the heck is my problem?? I totally let go of that. I told myself 13 minutes was better than nothing (and it is), and just tried to move on.

Then I had an epiphany. I cant expect to just start up where I left off. I am a firm believer of baby steps, and although I had taken them once before, I had to do them again, because I let myself stop. Another blessing of momentum. I miss momentum, but in the last 3 days I have started to gain it back. Yes, that means I have exercised everyday since Friday. Not a big deal, but it's a good start.

I also can't expect to just exercise for a few days, or really hard one day (like I tried on Friday) and get my results back. I got my results one day at a time, and unfortunately I am going to have to achieve them that way again. Remembering this, put my mind at ease. All I have to do is exercise daily. One time, once a day. Not all day, like I was when I was staying home, and didn't work. I don't have to do that, and it's unrealistic for me to think that I should have to. Baby steps, one step at a time.

Friday 4/16: 13 minutes EA Sports Active (Hard mode)
Sat 4/17: 21 minutes, EA Sports Active (Medium mode)
Sun 4/18: 26 minutes, EA Sports Active (Medium mode).

Three days in, and I feel better about exercising. I still feel fat, but I am doing what I am supposed to. Time heals all wounds.

Now I just need to focus on food again. Thank goodness for Sparkpeople, that's all I gotta say.

I officially started my new job 4 days ago (a lateral move w/in the hospital), and my schedule has changed to one hour earlier. The good news is that I get off one hour earlier, but the bad news is that I have to wake up, and be to work much earlier *cry* (exercising before work is not an option anymore). Exercising during lunch is not an option either, as I have 30 minutes for lunch and 1 (technically 2, but I never take the 2nd) 15 minute break, to eat breakfast/lunch/dinner during. Have you ever tried to eat a salad in less than 20 minutes? It's hard. I want to try to exercise after work, but I have 3 things against me. Mentally drained, hubby is home (For some reason I can't seriously exercise when he is around) and the Monkey Boy is home (he hates when I take up the living room to exercise). We'll see. I won't stress myself out w/ it yet, and will just take it one day at a time, one baby step at a time.

I hope you all are well. I have been lurking in the background still, and still get my daily dose of so many of you. I never in a million years thought that reading your blogs would be therapeutic for me. Who'da thunk it?

Have a great weekend, and I'll see you soon.

I can do this. I am a star!